How to own a BMW motorcycle

Ever wonder what a David Letterman Top Ten List would look like for
BMW Motorcycles? Well, here’re some thoughts which I found somewhere on
the internet.

How To Own A BMW Motorcycle

  • Annoy your mechanic with complaints about obscure sounds and sensations that only you perceive.
  • Insist on watching if a mechanic must work on your machine, and take notes
    to insure completeness.
  • Buy a bottle of touch-up paint with your new machine and have custom paint
    quotes, just in case.
  • Wear a white dust coat with a BMW logo on the pocket when performing even
    minor maintenence.
  • Be on a first name basis with someone at either the Berlin or Munich plant.
  • Never, ever street race. However, you may on occasion, put the pass on
    an unbeliever by employing the maneuver that Farina used on Nuvolari at
    Monte Carlo while Nuvolari was on a Manx. This would only be done if it
    could be done well.
  • Change oils and filters far too frequently.
  • Constantly discuss the Earles forks and the earlier frames.
  • Drink only Beck’s beer, from a genuine Bavarian ceramic stein.
  • Look as much like David Niven as possible – at least a moustache.
  • Never blip the throttle while at a stoplight, and certainly never redline
    the machine.
  • Recount to captive audiences your early experiences with BMW when you lived
    in Europe. Mention friends in the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards, Chasseurs
    a Cheval, and the Panzeraufklarungs.
  • Be smug, for you obviously have only the best taste, being born to a higher
    station in life, and own the most prestigious motorcycle, the BMW.

(with credit to


About Gil Jones

CPA/Attorney/Judge by training and trade. Hobby nut at heart with BMW m/c, computers, ham radio, kayak fishing, photography, hiking and, starting in 2010 some semi-serious running and bicycling (road and mountain bikes). Retired after 16 years on a Texas District Court bench and since 2013 have been mediating cases. I am a Credentialed Distinguished mediator (TMCA).
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